Jyoti

I had been writing reasonable consistently these days (not online though) and so when I looked at the date when I last posted here I was surprised- has it been it really these many days since I last logged in to post here? Yes, it has!

Time actually flies by at times. It is so vital to just live in the present and be aware and mindful about the moment. The present moment is the result of all our past actions put together and together with the present it determines our future! So how vital it is to to be present in the moment! Probably that is why it is called a 'present'.

#spiritual

How emotional is the boy! Each day he can watch the same video... read the same book and cry the same way? Has he gone mad? He cannot decide anymore. He does not know if he hasn't matured or what? He does not enjoy movies nor places nor delicacies. They are all the same to him. At times he only feels oppressed by all the talk that surrounds him and how it is expected of him to talk in the same vein! He enjoys being absolutely free, not worrying about money -- emptying his purse, being left alone -- absolutely alone, he does not feel bored or tired. And there is only one thing that keeps him from making a bold decision and do what he has felt like being from ever since... it is the sense that he is not worthy of that, he is not convinced that he has the strength to make the move. He does not have greediness, It is attachment and desire for feminine company that causes everything else to spring up for him. When he first came across pornography he was deeply disgusted with himself but could not tear himself away from it. The mind was not developed enough to resist temptation by that time, it could not discriminate and hold its ground. And the social inhibition never let him take help from anyone. Although he tried, his efforts proved futile, he was no longer in control of his emotions. He spent nights awake and crying. It gives me a shudder even to remember those nights! He was desperate to change. The thing he devised was to start treating every women with great respect and faith. But porn never left him. He never tried with all his heart. He ensured that he would never think bad thoughts about any women, not even as much as try to touch them. They were sacred to him. But the time that was invested in having these traits robbed him of other normal experiences. He never learned to talk casual, to take things in perspective. He could neither express himself nor accept others.

Is he waiting for something to happen? No, he does not want to relish in past memories nor plan about the future -- now is the only life. What can he learn from outside till he hasn't started to respect and trust the Guru within? Nothing needs to be given up like he feels all the time -- if one clings to the One all that has to be relinquished will fall by itself. Anandmayi Ma says, “as if by compulsion the mind runs towards the gratification of desires that bring suffering... and again... No effort ever goes to waste -- then why all the practice, the concentration comes to no effect? That is because when there is a hole in a pitcher full of water, no matter how small it is all the water leaks away!” And she tells, “The fact that you are aware of your incapacity to concentrate on God's name is also His grace; even though not interested take the name as medicine -- This also will have good result.” Like Raman Maharshi's mantra "naan yaar" (Who am I?) She used to preach "ja hoye jay"(Everything is God's will).

#spiritual

Ordinary people can get away from the powers of Maya only by the grace of an enlightened soul. Very few chosen souls have the strength to merely desire and Maya will become powerless over them -- only those who can identify their oneness in all! For Maya must also have come from the same source which gives rise to ecstasy and bliss. There can be nothing other than the one absolute. Once Ma Sarda said, "I am the Mother of the rich, the poor, the saint and the murderer alike!". Ramakrishna Paramhansa once asked her to keep some people away from herself as their nature is not pure yet. But she would not, She said, "How can I turn away my children, who come to me in distress?" By constant practice and devotion the grace of the God can be had. When you can see that everything is the manifestation of the same Absolute you will neither be tempted nor repelled by anything.

#spiritual

There are many ways to reach the same goal. How beautifully this was taught by all great teachers! Even after noting this for a thousand times it is not as easy to follow it. Every time I judge someone isn't it the same as accepting them with conditions? With spiritual growth acceptance of all comes by itself. There is a beautiful poem that says, "If you can accept everyone as your own you will find God!".

#spiritual

One day Kartik and I had gone to a small place where some poor people lived. Both of us had no idea what we would do. I anyway depended solely on my deep voice and few words to make interaction. He parked the bike at a little distance and we walked towards the place. Some kids had already started playing with the bike. They were tiny enough to play hide-behind-the-wheel. We had a packet of sweets with us. We slowly approached them. When we got near them a guy came and took the packet from me, we had no say. We just looked on. A lot of people gathered and wanted to have a piece of sweet. It was a completely new experience to us. We could not decide how to react. We turned back to go. A little girl came and tugged at my shirt and asked for some money. We asked her why she does not go and eat the sweets? She did not answer. She kept tugging at my shirt. Slowly we walked back to the bike planning on how we should handle it the next time.

#gratitude

Kartik and I go to a school nearby. There is an orphanage and an old age home also. In the beginning we had no idea what to do there. Now we tell stories, play with them and share sweets. On our first visit I had held one tiny little girl on my lap throughout the time I narrated the story. She was not well on our next visit and when we went next time I was surprised to observe that although I did not notice her she had noticed Jyoti Anna. I was smiling. And it was not only her. I never anticipated that an hour-a-week visit would make them remember my name. We all have a good time when we go there.

#gratitude

I go to Ramakrishna Math almost every weekend. And Usually I walk from there to the nearest bus stand, which is about two km far from there. It takes about half an hour. On my way I always noticed a man sitting at the same place (he has no legs). He never asked anything from me. But he would always look at me and smile. I returned the smile. Then one weekend I went up to him and we had a conversation. He told me that presently he is having some problems but his ‘ATM card’ would come on Monday and then it will be all fine. And that a Tiffin-wala comes and gives them Tiffin which costs fifteen rupees. I could not hear most of what he said because he was feeble and had few teeth but one thing that was striking is that he kept smiling and did not complain about anything. Nor did he ask for anything, instead in fact, he asked me if I had taken lunch. I had eaten and had got some lunch for him too. I gave to him and left.

What struck me most in this episode is that although he was old and frail he was not resentful at all.

When I think about it now I think what experience he must have gone through? He is old and has no one to call his own, yet he lives and smiles. I believe given an opportunity nobody would choose to be a beggar. When someone is hungry for days he can but only beg. To have respect and love is a very very deeply rooted instinct which simply cannot be suppressed permanently. With encouragement and help it is always possible to see a positive change.

#gratitude

One day Kartik and I were returning from office. I was waiting outside a internet-cafe where he was getting some printouts. A little girl barely up to my knees came near with spread hands. Yes, both hands. I got two chocolates, sat down there and tried talking to her. But she did not smile nor did she show any other emotion, I don't even know if she was interested in the chocolate. I started eating one chocolate and gave one to her. She made no attempt to eat it. She was doing that just out of habit. She walked away clumsily, half of the chocolate breaking and falling. We noticed that she gave it to her elder sister. Now we could see emotions on her face. And when her elder sister started eating it she too wanted to eat it and was fighting for it.

#gratitude

I was coming back from office. On a turning I heard someone call me... bhaiya. I paused and noticed a woman approach me. Her husband was also standing there with their baby on his shoulders. She said she needed some money to take her baby to hospital. I was nervous. I did not know how to behave. I gave her hundred rupees. She said she would need some more. I gave her. She hesitantly said she would need some more. I was walking back anyways, I gave her all I had in my wallet. I was nervous. I did not look into her eyes except when I had turned. I didn't know how to behave. I did not ask anything. I showed no real emotions on my face although I was continuously trying to understand the situation. In fact they might have found me cold because although I looked calm and listened I did not utter a single word nor smiled. I was sorry that I did not smile and did not spend some 'time'.

#gratitude

How often do we realize how very privileged we are? That we are all unique and there is little sense in comparing with  others.. not knowing that we do not necessarily need anything external to be happy? If we merely tell ourselves that we need only little for ourselves we will be filled with satisfaction. We are most happy when we make someone else happy. Never mind anything. Never get angry. Never loose heart. Always be cheerful. Always be hopeful. Always be thankful for what you have got and live in the present, live in this moment.

#heart #moment #satisfaction #spiritual